Sparks That Keep the Flame Alive, Small Actions in Relationships

Sparks keep the flame alive, a very simple yet profoundly meaningful line. A small spark is all needed for a revolutionary event. We can take this into account in our daily lives. In a relationship I would like to change the meaning of sparks to small actions rather than that of actual meaning.

Outwards To Inwards

We are fascinated by the endless possibilities and opportunities in the beginning of any relationship. It’s a beautiful feeling to get to know a new person. Likes, dislikes, interests, hobbies, beliefs, values and so on. If the wavelength matches, then it’s a pursuit of knowledge about the other person along with tempting want to talk about us. The curiosity and interest in the beginning is unparalleled. Also, the will to perform big and bold gestures. These give out good dividends in the initial stage of relationship, however the small actions and gestures are what keeps the flame alive when time passes.

In the flame, outer layer is immensely hot and as you move to inner layers with different colors the temperature keeps dropping. Taking an analogy of this – When we do not know a person the excitement is high, there are many topics to talk about. As we start getting to know a person things become mundane and after many years it becomes difficult to even think what do we talk about?

Small Actions are Much Easier

It is widely accepted that the goals should be simple and concise, why? because it makes sense. Similarly, we don’t have to deal only in big, bold moves and gestures in a relationship. Reason is we get used to things and expect something bigger and bolder next time. It is just natural human behavior. Like the one using bicycle wants a bike, the one using bike wants a car and so on. Surpassing those expectations with even bigger and bolder actions in a relationship is not so easy and also to say it is impractical.

Small actions do definitely make a difference, because those are easier to keep on doing consistently. It can be as simple as having a ritual of asking “How was your day” to lending a hand in something trivial. It can be even easier if we imbibe these small actions with our own. Like when we drink water, ask the other person if they’re interested in some water. Invite someone for lunch when we would like to have lunch. Very simple, but very effective. OfCourse there are some caveats and restrictions to these activities because we don’t want to invade someone’s personal space.

Taking time and people granted

What makes us not to follow simple actions which actually help? Mainly taking time, things and people for granted. May not be always intentional, it is just we become so used to the idea of having the other person around, we think this person is not going anywhere else. Other reasons include inflated ego, pettiness, jealousy. Notion of “Winning” in a relationship is entirely lost cause. We may win the situation but lose the person forever. Following a structured plan to execute simple actions with right intent can be beneficial in the long run. Ask any group of people who stayed long together, and the common pattern is do simple things for the others.

Points to ponder and wonder

Keep a moral compass as close to chest as possible, let it guide us in the times where we feel vulnerable, ecstatic and otherwise. Remembering the self-worth and continuing to do act on simple actions that make the day of other person better is a noble manner. When importance to self becomes increasingly alarming these compasses help us to steer ourselves in a better direction. From “Good Morning” to “Good Night” people go through so many changes in a day, being there just emotionally and mentally help out in the long run. To form deeper connections through years these small actions matter the most.

Do not Count the Actions

Performing the actions just for the sake of tally count will not help even if actions are done on time. Because the intent here changes from nurturing the relationship to competing with another person. We are trained to compete with others in the efforts that we put on, so it is like a second nature for us. It starts from the young age where we compare the chores between siblings. Act on simple things without any expectations in return, then it becomes really rewarding. Relationships are always a work of adjustment and compromise. Making simple adjustments is easier than soul crushing ideas which we never thought of.

Closing Notes

Any relationship is like a machine that needs constant servicing, attending to it on a daily basis is much more relaxing than trying to fix a broken one. Time, energy, emotional toll that takes becomes a hard bargain. Treating the people the way we want to be treated is going to add many meaningful connections to our lives. Budha once said, once we understand our own mortality we do not trouble others. Referring this quote, we can even do simple acts that bring happiness to others instead of troubling. Without losing our self-worth and as well gaining a egocentric attitude.

Thank you, Until I write Again – Take Care.