No matter who or what you love or like, how much you love or like, do not lose the sight of your Self-Respect and Assertiveness. A core belief that helps us to be unique. Most important relation that you are going to have in the life is the one with yourself, please be mindful of that. Yes, it is easy to define ourselves by the family, friends, assets, luxuries that we have, however it is not the complete truth.
Understanding Assertiveness and Self-Respect
Assertiveness in my opinion is being just enough to stand for your principles without being rude. Having the courage to understand what other people believe and yet doesn’t get swayed away from the things that make you as a whole. Sometimes we think that silence is assertiveness, however speaking clearly and confidently and sharing your ideas/thoughts across the room does add more value. Assertiveness should not be confused with dominance; I have seen fair share of people making this mistake. Reasoning and logic can further boost the support for assertiveness in a society.
Self-respect is simple enough to understand, it is the value we have for ourselves, driven by the responsibilities we take care of & work that we do to help ourselves, others and nature. Everyone should live a life with respect, most fundamental point is that most of this respect should come from within. We value such a trait among others then why not with ourselves. It is important to differentiate between self-respect and Self-centeredness. Once you cross over to the other side it is difficult journey back.
Why we need to have Assertive Self-Respect
Many times, the sheer nature of the efforts that we need to complete time after time can make one question the sanity of Self-respect. Many people out there who can induce a doubt in your capabilities and beliefs just because they enjoy, they can, or they profit from it. It is natural to get influenced by such people as one needs to constantly keep thoughts that degrade the idea of respectful self-identity at bay, and it is not easy. Having a support system that is honest and make one think about these aspects is a blissful boon. Engaging with anyone who helps you can be a good step towards Assertive Self-Respect when times are tough. One who seeks help should always be ready to provide help to others who need it as it makes the cycle complete. If you are assertive in your approaches and have enough self-respect, then others get influenced and follow you. This will also improve the sense of accomplishment and to some extent reduces unwanted stress.
How to become Assertively self-Respectful
Be clear of what it is that you need versus what you want, if this is not clear then go back to practices such as meditation, Yoga, mindfulness etc. to gain a control over your thoughts and feelings. You can only be effectively assertive with your needs and not your wants. For example, if I need to travel somewhere because of work purposes, I need a ticket fare to be reimbursed or written off – however I may want a private jet to travel which doesn’t make sense.
Be mindful of the way you communicate, use the capabilities of language to the full extent possible when communicating with others. Never assume anything, if you have a doubt about something then clarify nicely without getting entangled in unnecessary verbal spats or spiral thoughts.
Exercise limits and boundaries, it is easy to get carried away in the middle of fierce competition and necessities and lose sight of the boundaries that need to be respected. You can’t ask the core personal details of someone when they are not willing to share in the pretext of being nice and caring. In case you decide that something goes against your principles/values then set a clear boundary at that point. Integrity is one thing you can’t compromise to make quick bucks. It comes back and spoils many opportunities that may lie ahead in the future. Say No politely and confidently if something makes you uncomfortable.
Maintaining good posture, body language and eye contact do help, it helps to train the way we walk, stand, sit and make eye contact because all these put together will increase the confidence levels and that helps us with Assertive Self-Respect. We all can’t be body language experts, but everyone can understand when someone is not interested to listen, we can feel rejection more than the acceptance because we are skeptical at heart.
Stay Calm, cliche but true. Many leaders and experts agree that someone who does average things when everyone around them is going crazy is the force of nature. Calmness has to be from within, it is always internal. External silence can help sometimes but if we can’t shut the external noise and concentrate within it is going to be an uphill task. Breathing exercises do help out here.
Last but not the least Active Listening, everyone has something they want others to listen, imagine if no one is willing to listen to anyone. Whole world will be with people who talk continuously with themselves. Active listening is very important because it helps you gain trust, confidence of others. When you listen, you learn more than when you are talking. Very important and my favorite.
Challenges
Like everything else becoming assertively self-respectful is not without challenges. Rejection is the main challenge which becomes paramount as others do not easily concede to the idea of you becoming assertive or self-respectful. With consistent practice it becomes a reality, and others have to expect this new you without a choice. Guilt/Self-Doubt is another challenge, when you act in a way that puts your best needs ahead of others it is natural to feel guilty as we are social entities. We must learn to balance this otherwise it will consume the efforts to become assertive. Conflict is another challenge, if someone with whom you are trying to be assertive is a headstrong individual with power then discussions can soon convert into deep rooted conflict situations. Being mindful of the words we use helps greatly here.
It is a journey and doesn’t happen overnight, continuous improvements and efforts are what makes this journey worthwhile and enjoyable. Try, adopt and see for yourself. Because you are worth it.
Until I write again, Take care
Journey of the thousand words 
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